Pre warning, this post is a mind ramble. I just wanted to vent my thoughts therefore it is rather long and not very well structured, more like a discussion with myself!
I will state now that out of the desperate urge I have to write about this book and just because I don't know yet what I am going to say, don't read on if you haven't read the book. However I do encourage you to go away, read the book and come back to read what I have to offer.
If you continue to read there may be spoilers and trust me, your do not want this book ruined before you've read it!
I read this book on recommendation by Zoella, from one of her videos. By the title I was a bit uncertain as I wasn't sure what it would be about but when I read the synopsis I felt more inclined to give the book a go.
"A compelling and beautiful story about a girl who learns to live from a boy who wants to die."
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Ok, so I have a particular interest in mental health. It confuses and fascinates me, I find it compelling to explore and to attempt to understand. I love to read books whose protagonists have mental health issues as it provides a unique and unattainable insight into the head of someone who has a mental illness; for example, It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini (also a brilliant book).
The reason I felt so strongly about writing about this book and sharing it, is because it deals with suicide and not just suicidal thoughts or urges but the actual death, the leading up to it and the aftermath for those left behind. This book is so raw and real in a way that a lot of people avoid or don't like to think about. One thing I love the most about the way this book is laid out is the dual narrative and how it gives you two points of view throughout the story. This allows the you as the reader to watch the story as it unfolds in both the protagonists heads, empathising and becoming frustrated along with them.
One of the main points I wanted to discuss was how the mental illness was portrayed. I knew from a couple of pages in that the illness was bipolar, even though this is only mentioned quite later on in the book. The writer put across the mindset of the character so acutely that you could believe it was how a true sufferer would think and behave. To Finch this illness wasn't a diagnosis, it was a label, this label wouldn't change what he had, it wouldn't help; it would only bring stigma and attention. This is, in my mind, so significant and possibly even a reason why many people are undiagnosed, because being diagnosed doesn't always help, sometimes it can make the situation worse, especially if people/peers find out; or so it may appear to those who are diagnosed. Mental health is on a very tricky line as to what is true and what is feared. On one hand yes, it could make it worse, in the story this character is already bullied for his behaviour (a result of the condition) therefore it's understandable he wouldn't want a diagnosis to be attached to him that already has stigma, as another reason to encourage bullying. However on the other hand, if he hadn't feared this stigma and had had more help and been diagnosed earlier he may not have felt the need to kill himself. But, then again he may have. Help isn't always effective and sometimes it just comes down to the person and their mind.
Another point I wanted to address was the suicide in itself.
I cried. I cried before it happened because I knew it was going to. I almost didn't believe it when it did happen and I was still crying after when there was only one narrative left. I genuinely felt like I was in the book, just another character who had known and lost him, only worse because I knew what he had been thinking. I was in shock for a bit, waiting for him to come back into the story somehow and explain it but to no avail. It was gut wrenchingly sad and even though it was only a book, I did everything I imagine anyone touched by suicide would have done: question whether it could have been avoided, how long it had been planned, whether it even was planned, whether he could have been found sooner and helped. And when all of this ran through my head, my heart bled for those who actually do have to go through this.
And that is what is so poignant about this book, how real it all feels and how it throws it in your face, screaming listen, understand.
The impact of what is left behind is almost as heartbreaking as the events of and that led up to the death. The void that is present in the book, through lack of the second narrative, and as presented in the characters, is evident immediately. It's so shattering to be able to see, objectively, the repercussions of this choice. How the author has depicted each individual reaction that is so commonly seen in suicide cases in real life is staggering and honestly eye opening.
This is not a normal death and that is how it is seen, sad but abnormal. Suicide is not accepted in the same way that loss of life through a physical illness is. In the author's note she elaborates as to how she lost two people within 14 months of each other, one to cancer and one to suicide, she said "people rarely bring flowers to a suicide."
How the second protagonist continues is believably how many would; lost and searching. The end of the book shines light on the impression Finch had, the changes he brought about and the help that he gave. It follows as Violet does not give up, but how she uses the memory of him to carry on what he left behind and to find him in everything that she continued to do. I think although it is not a happy ending, it is uplifting. It demonstrates how even for those affected so closely by death not once, but twice, it is possible to accept it and carry on, even though guilt may weigh heavily. It has happened, it can not be changed and your life should not also be lost due to it.
I should and will say, all of this put aside, the story truly is beautiful and compelling as claimed above. It's brilliantly written, amazingly thought out, and as an aspiring writer myself, it is something that I only dream about creating. I felt all of the emotions; I cried and grinned cheesily and got so deeply attached to the characters. It was genuinely a one of a kind book to read.
I truly believe mental health is an issue that shouldn't be such a touchy subject, it should be discussed and normalised. I apologise if this post seems morbid or upsetting, but these are facts and they need to be known and understood if anything is to be done to help.
If you got to the end of this, well done and thank you! Let me know what you thought of the book.
Beth x
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